THE WAY WE WERE

A child is the most important gift a married Igbo couple could wish for. A marriage without a child is viewed as incomplete, and often leads to a bumpy relationship which eventually ends in the dissolution of marriage. A married couple would go to any length to have children. Every practice in Bende Igbo culture is a perpetuation of another. ILe Omugho is a very important aspect of our culture. This occasion is special because it is not accorded to everyone. It is an honor only available to those who have someone to give it to them. ILe Omugho is a practice that the Bende Igbos have used to continue a cultural teaching to their young ones. Generally in Bende Igbo tradition and culture, when a woman has a baby it is the responsibility of her husband, relatives, sisters, mother and neighbors to provide for her. This is because the Bende Igbos believe that a child is a blessing to their community. Accordingly the responsibility of raising a child is shared by families, neighbors, and members of the community.  In the old days, based on this philosophy, when a nursing mother goes to a distant farm or market and her child is hungry and crying, the child is taken to any nursing mother in the village or the community to be breast fed until the mother returns.

           

When a young lady has her first child, her mother is required by our culture to stay with her daughter. One of her duties is to monitor her physical and mental condition. She is also required to teach her daughter how to handle the newborn. The mother takes over the care of the newborn, thus giving her daughter a chance to sleep at night and only waking her up to breast feed the baby. The mother’s duties include teaching her daughter the responsibilities of becoming a mother. In some cases she takes over the duties of her daughter in the family, doing things like cooking and laundry for the entire family.

           

Preparation for ILe Nwanyi Omugho:  ILe Omugho is an occasion in which the mother or the oldest Ada [daughter] in the absence of the mother will come to provide teaching, guidance and any type of assistance considered essential for the young mother. This tradition is designed like many other Bende Igbo’s customs to educate the young mother on various issues concerning her responsibilities to her newborn and how to take care of herself. ILe Nwanyi Omugho begins within sixteen days after a child is born.

 

The mother of the young lady who has given birth will arrange, according to the customs and tradition, for a visit to her daughter and her newborn. If the distance from her daughter is not too far from her place of residence, she will assemble about a dozen women from her village to accompany her for a joyful visit to her daughter. This visit is known as Iga ILe Omugho. She will carry with her lots of gifts for her daughter and the newborn. The contents of her gifts includes the following items; Akpu, azu arira, ahu, ayiya, nnu, gari, egusi, ufe, oso/ose, ndi akuru, mgborogwu, and other roots used as medicine for various purposes. The mother and her friends come singing oroyi, beautiful special songs only used for ILe Omugho. Some of these songs impart Igbo values for children, such as Obughi otu onye nwe nwa, onye nuru akwa nwabia ngwa-ngwa; Obughi otu onye nwe nwa [a child is not owned by one person, anyone who hears a child’s cry should come quickly]. As they approach the entrance of the town where her daughter lives they start their songs, which are punctuated by the chants of Uma Onyekemo! or Uma Onyeamimo! (The former chant is for a boy, the latter for a girl). A person can tell whom they are going to visit and the gender of the child just by listening to their songs and chants. When they get to the village where her daughter lives they put down all the gifts that they brought in front of her house and form a circle around the gifts, and dance. The villagers immediately join them in singing and dancing, and in a matter of minutes the crowd increases in size to up to twenty dancing women. However, I must point out that only women participate in this type of dance, no males or young girls are allowed. After a few songs the visiting members take turns to go in and greet the young mother and her newborn.

 

According to our tradition the young mother is not allowed to join the dancers while they are dancing in front of her house, nor is she responsible for welcoming them. Instead, her husband is required to show his appreciation by welcoming his mother-in-law and her group, by offering them Nzu, Oji and pots of mayi ngwo. After the traditional touching of Nzu, eating of Oji and drinking of mayi ngwo, they sing a few more songs and depart leaving the mother-in-law behind. The duration of her stay is between two weeks to a month, although in some cases the length of her stay depends upon the health of her daughter and her newborn.